very early mornings

I have been getting up at ridiculous hours in the morning.. the kind of times I used to go to bed..pre children.  It started at around 5am but I seem to be knocking off an hour each night so I arose at 2am today.
I kind of hope no one reads this blog it feels like a diary and hence i would like to put private thoughts into it....I could write a diary instead.. I tried that for a couple of years and wrote daily short poems in a Wemoon diary which is full of beautiful art work and spirtual musings..I never get around to getting one on time, and it doesnt seem to make much sense starting one now.
A wedding dress arrived today from ebay a 60's vintage fur collar thing! kind of nice, kind of scarey! I will use it in some photo shots..not sure how yet...maybe laid out like a corpse (i'm so not romantic!!)
I did used to dream of marriage once..  back as a little girl....I even designed my own wedding dress age(10ish) as a dark green velvet flowing sleeved number.the frothy white of those times appalled me!! now I find myself interested in making wedding dresses from vintage patterns (of course) but the whole idea of this confuses me because of my own feelings towards marriage...I just don't get the point.. the excess of weddings is vulgar when so much of the world is in poverty..and yet 'The Dress'..think thats what I'll call my photo shoot... looms in my consciousness

The Dress
sequined disaster that you are
hold me together for the day
primped and preened
already primed
me is slipping away

I might extend this on flickr

When I was a young girl I dreamt of security and resposibility I used to walk to school and pretend to hold my own childrens hands as I crossed roads I imagined decorating their bedrooms ....my  children co sleep with us!!.... I imagined loving to decorate my daughters long brown hair...My daughter has long blonde hair and I have little to no interest in decorating it!!she and I have taken to plaiting our hair at night  to have our preraphelite days! waves are in in our house..reminding me of crimping with tongs when I didn't care about the condition of my hair..and all those crazy colour dyes..I was never an au natural girl...blue and bleached were definitely my favoured hair colours!..now after a decade of naturalness I have sought out the dye again!! almost black and am loving it... being natural is definitely overrated..you only live once...well many many times actualy..but thats another post.  I went to a jumble sale today and found some 60's makeup, lipstick made from pure whale fat, a manicure set..I never manicure (too much soil under my nails) and false eyelashes with a very dodgy looking tube of glue that I know I will not be able to resist using! even though commonsense yells out red swollen eyes are not a good look!
ooh!..its Mother Day..just remembered..I forgot to send a card to my own mother it confuses me being a mother I misplace that I have one too..we are not the best of friends..sending cards is not on my list of priorities in fact I would like to start an anti card sending campaign...right here!!...the amount of guilt one has to feel when you forget  a birthday or worse still 'Mothers Day' is uncalled for.
I should have remembered my son gave me his card early... four tissue paper petals hurriedly glued so that he could run off to stroke a sheep...he starts school on Monday neither he nor I want this to happen
he is in my opinion still my baby!!